“Mike,

I have formed this unfortunate trend with men. Throughout high school and college, when a guy is no longer interested in me he just starts ignoring me. In some cases, I have even given him ample opportunity to bring up a problem by asking “is everything OK?”

Basically, I could tell something was wrong but not one has ever been honest with me. I probably should have jumped ship when I felt the downward plunge but I tend to be too trusting. This isn’t with guys who I have gone on one or two dates with–its guys that I have had a continuous dating time period with (at least a month or two). I have let down my share of guys as well, but I have been straightforward about my intentions.

Am I pushing these guys away or am I just picking immature guys? I enjoy honesty and I am sick of being let down by silence. I would rather know when something is wrong so I can either change, or leave.

So I guess my question is, why do guys use this tactic (besides being the easy way out)? Also, will they grow out of this unfortunate behavior? Thanks!”

So everything is fine for a matter of time. Then when it finally seems like you’re getting down to business, months later he starts to lose interest.

To answer your first question, we use the ignoring tactic to avoid confrontation. Yes, it might seem petty, juvenile–or just plain stupid–but anything is easier and less confrontational than saying “I don’t like you anymore.” But much like with student loans, ignoring relationship problems won’t make them go away. Not to mention that you’re caught in the middle of the crossfire of emotions (or lack thereof).

Obviously, guys use this tactic as the easy way out. So in compliance with your request, I’ll play devil’s advocate and fight for the honor of your past misunderstood boyfriends. In some cases, its not ignoring you, its focusing on him. Maybe he has problems that he just can’t open up to you about yet because of prior relationships. He could be preoccupied with an extremely difficult course schedule, an overbearing roommate, reoccurring family issues or whatever other conditions that merit an unwanted cold shoulder to the world.

Instead of being worried about yourself, why don’t you take his loss for words as a silent cry for help? You want to be his girl when he wants you to be his friend. He is victim of circumstance, and you can try to b there to understand. It’s not always about you; sometimes it’s about him.

Or maybe not.

I don’t want to sound like I’m coming to the defense of your past relationships, because being ignored sucks. In college, I’ve given the cold shoulder on more than one occasion. But never fear, there’s hope! We do grow out of it–once it happens to us.