What is gold without the glitter? What is love without the pain? When I was a preteen, I viewed boys as friends who sometimes threw harsh jokes at me. Then, I got into high school and my girlfriends began to change. First it started with the tissue paper in the bra top, to give the impression of large boobies. Then girl fights followed; almost always it had to do with two girls fighting over a guy. Then, the era of make- up slowly crept in.

And that was when I began to change. Suddenly, the boy whom I played video games with became my major crush. Then there was the heartbreak, which I couldn’t comprehend. After that, came the concept of moving on. And finally in college, the stone heart concept was created.

For one to truly move on to another relationship, one has to bury the memories of one’s past relationship. This is what my girlfriends and I believed. We knew that in order to do this, one had to become stone dead in one way or another. But a question that started long ago in my heart refused to leave me alone. How long do I have to keep 'moving on' before love no longer hurts?

There is no simple answer to this as I have recently discovered. I just ended a relationship which changed certain views I held about dating. I had entered the relationship with a fantasy that I had developed in high school, about men. And it made me blind to the reality of what was really going on with us. Eventually when I ended it, I began to question my purpose for holding on to such an unhealthy relationship. And the more I dug deep into my soul for answers, the more I realized that I had based my initial feelings of my ex on physical appearance.

During my healing process, I began to know what I wanted in a relationship. And now I understand that not only do physical appearances matter, but self understanding plays a major role in relationships. When one fully understands who one is, a clearer picture of what one wants is created. So does it mean that love doesn't hurt?

Personally, I would say that true love has to hurt in order for one to really enjoy the meaning of a true relationship. For instance, if gold wasn't purified with intense heat , there wouldn't be pure gold. Just as well, without the difficulty that comes with dealing with someone else's beliefs and idiosyncracies, there wouldn't really be any need for love. But one should be careful in understanding whether the hurt is a necessary pain which would lead to a rich relationship, or a sign that one's heading to a doomed relationship.