I’ll be the first to admit that I spend way too much time on Facebook. I have absolutely no shame. I am addicted to Facebook. It’s the first website I check in the morning and the last one I check before heading to bed. I’m on it numerous times each day, and have been known on more than once occasion to update my status more than necessary. What can I say? I love social networking. If there’s a new quiz, I’ve taken it. If there’s a new feature, I’ve tried it. My friends give me grief about it all the time, and I just take it. I’m not the one in denial here. At any point during the day, there’s a 99.9% chance that I am either half on Facebook, about to check Facebook, or have just checked Facebook. If you need to get a hold of me, you can usually find me there.

My love for Facebook is obvioiusly not a healthy one, and has gotten me into hot water more than once. Seriously, if I had a dollar for every time someone got mad at me because they thought one of my angry statuses was about them, I’d have my student loans paid back in full. With interest. (And admittedly, if I had a dollar for every time I put an angry status up and it WAS actually about someone I knew in real life, I’d be even richer.) I’ve even had to defend my Facebook shenanigans in a court of law – while testifying against my ex-boyfriend who was (unsuccessfully) trying to throw me under the bus in an attempt to dodge domestic battery charges, his 80’s pantsuit clad lawyer grilled me about a status I’d put up not long after the attack. I won’t go into specifics, but it may or may not have involved angry rap lyrics (“I’m still the baddest b*tch!”), gratuitous F-bombs and very…not nice…jokes about what would probably happen to his nether regions in jail. Yeah. I definitely have trouble with my Facebook-iquette at times. I know that I can be extremely internet loud at times, and I’m pretty sure there’s no hope for me and my firey fingers. However, not all hope is lost for you, dear reader. Here’s how you can not be like me!

Watch your statuses

While I’ll be the first in line to ream people out for overanalyzing Facebook activity (once, while upset with several of my best guy friends – who, to be honest, were behaving like females, I’m sorry – I suggested that they use their cereal box decoder rings on someone else’s profile.), I have been guilty on more than one occasion of getting snarky whenever Facebook asks me “what’s on your mind?” I’m trying to stop though, because while it helps to vent, you never know what people are thinking while reading it…and it always causes more harm than good. Plus, let’s be honest – it’s bordering on passive aggressive. Though very little about my Facebook could be defined as “passive.” It’s usually better to find a more private way of ranting about people and situations. That’s what my Twitter (which I add significantly less people to) is for!

Be careful what you “like”

I used to like the “like” function. I used to love it, actually. If someone posted about a recent acheivement or something good that had happened in their life, you could show your support with the click of a button. Simple, right? Maybe…until you come back to 15 notifications from that person’s set of friends posting things like “LOL,” “me too,” or “awesome!” I’m like, do I care? This is why I became a fan of “63 Notifications later, I regret liking your status.” That is me, every single day. I don’t know why I keep liking things. And on that note…

My status is not your chat box

I mean, okay. Sometimes this can be hilarious. My friends and I have been known to make some pretty epic things happen during status conversations. However, believe me when I say that it is not nearly as funny to the person having to get 50 notifications that have nothing to do with his or her activity at all. It’s even worse when someone tags you in a photo or a status (because you can do that now) against your will, and suddenly you’re getting a million notifications because people are trying to out 4-Chan each other on some random picture. Just say no, people. That’s what the wall, the inbox and the glitch-ridden chat feature are for.

Farmville. Enough said.

Maybe it isn’t Farmville per se. Maybe it’s Mob Wars. Maybe it’s Farkle. Maybe it’s Sorority Life. Maybe it’s Chicken Farming. I don’t care what random game-of-the-week you’ve decided to waste your life on, but I do not need a million requests every time you’re trying to build up your sorority house or milk your cow. The worst part abuot this is that you don’t have to semd invites to everyone and their mom, there is a little ‘skip’ button you can click to avoid all that, but sometimes, honestly, people are just plain too Facebook illiterate to take that simple extra step to save the rest of us some grief. I’ve been anti-application requests from the very beginning. It has been a long, lonely, uphill battle, but I’m still fighting it.

Speaking of photos…

…this should go without saying, but watch what you put online, be it Facebook, mySpace, or anywhere else. I haven’t had too much trouble with this, but I have had a photo or two reported to Facebook for being ‘inappropriate’ and I know for a fact that they will threaten to delete your profile – and mean it. I’ve had this happen to two friends, and it is a hassle losing all those pictures, friends, notes…after years of having a Facebook, you tend to accumulate a lot of memories on it. I’ve found a way to edit the privacy of certain albums and videos so only a certain group of people I approve are able to see and comment on them, but still. Nothing on the internet is 100% private, so you should definitely watch what you post.

Oh, Facebook. You are a blessing, and you are a curse. Regardless of how frequent or infrequently you log into the big blue book, and what you use it for, there are many ways to avoid Facebooking yourself into trouble. Now if only I could take some of my own advice, I’d be good.