Color us shocked: Gossip Girl managed to get through one WHOLE episode without a booty call. Sure, there was a lil’ foreplay between Dan and a drama student, but the real skinny was Chuck dealing with the ghost of Daddy Dearest and Serena figuring out her senator in shining armor wasn’t as sparkly as she suspected.

Ok, so Chuck was all broody and angsty over the fact that it was the one year anniversary of Bart’s death, and the ghost of his dad was there, hovering between him and Blair as he convinced his son he’d gone too soft and he needed to dump his lady and screw over a bunch of homeless people at a shelter (by buying out the building and constructing lofts there). Blair wasn’t having it, but Chuck was being his old Basshole self and basically told her to beat it and butt out.

Meanwhile, Serena and Tripp were shacked up in his family’s cottage out in Long Island enjoying a little scandalous weekend, when Tripp finally realized having a 19-year-old blond mistress might actually pose a problem for his political career. He secretly snuck off to meet his wife and wager a deal, leaving Serena with no food, cable, or a decent drug to do. Thankfully, it was Nate to the rescue (I mean, doesn’t everyone leave a bag of weed in their Hemingway book?). Suddenly Mr. Cougartown was all about being in love with S., going as far to jump in limo to come find her as soon as he figured out what his cousin was up to.

Speaking of unrequited love, Dan finally realized that he’s totally in love with Vanessa, but (much like real life) she’s already into some new guy, and Dan had to decide if he was going to go away for the weekend and win her back. How this turned into a “hook-up with her drama school friend back in the dorms,” I’m not quite sure, but Danny boy managed to save face when he got the phone call that Serena had been in a serious accident (following a blow-up with Tripp when he and his wife agreed that S. could be his side girl, as he wasn’t getting a divorce anytime soon). Everyone (Blair in her pjs; Chuck in a scowl with his ghost daddy riding shotgun), rushed out to L.I. as friends do — did I mention this just happens to be the same hospital Bart died in?

Happily, Serena wasn’t seriously injured, Nate clocked his cousin for leaving the scene of an accident and making it look like S. was driving, Blair convinced a distraught Chuck that he wasn’t as good as he dad — he was better than him, and Lil’ J. and Eric finally kissed and made up. But the long winter break we GG fans are in for will certainly have us seriously stewing. What’s in that mysterious letter from Serena’s dad and why did Rufus ditch Lily when he read it? Is Lil’ J actually selling drugs to finance her Queen B lifestyle? And (talk about ripped from a soap opera) is who was that mystery woman at Bart’s grave? Is Chuck’s mom actually alive after all? DUM DUM DUMMMMMM!!!

Stayed tuned, kiddies. U Chic will be back on the GG recap scene once the show comes back in January.