Oh, be careful what you wish for. We complained about lack of Lil’ J time on Gossip Girl last week, and looks like we’ve finally been rewarded. It’s mega-faux platinum locks to the rescue, along with a desperate Blair, a clueless Dan, a wimpy Vanessa, and a less-than-welcome return in the form of Lily VanW. So what’s this week’s theme, kiddies? Power. Who wants it. Who gots it. Who wishes they could fade into the background, and who’s in the background pulling all the strings to make it back on top.

First we have the mysterious Kristen Stewart-like actress (aka Hilary Duff) who randomly decides to go to NYU two weeks after school started (really? Do they do that for B and C-listers, too?). Enter obnoxious publicist and convenient new roomie in the form of Vanessa. How quickly they bond, yet nary a peep about the cute boy (Dan) she met while sucking down some coffee. The cute boy who didn’t recognize her or notice the paparazzi stalking her (Seriously? What? No Us Weekly on newsstands in NYC?). Lil’ J and Blair are just as out of the loop. Miss “I like my eyeliner way totally smudgy” may be the new queen bee of the school, but the FORMER queen (the future Mrs. Chuck Bass) is soo not having this “we’re all equal” crap. Nope. If Blair can’t rule at NYU, she’ll go back to high school and ensure that Lil’ J’s minions keep their headbands in place and the food chain in working order.

But everybody’s not onboard with going to school or RULING the school. Poor Serena is set on proving to her mom that she can get a “real” job (Tory Birch, anyone?), and Chuck’s so desperate to get his mean, evil mama back, he’s willing to hatch a plot with Lil’ J to force Blair to see she’s a big enough bitch to take on the hipsters and pseudo-intellectual slackers currently congregating along the oh-so-cool coffee shops that dot Washington Square Park.

So Serena gets a job as a publicist for Miss Movie Star’s big premiere, offers moral support to Tyra Banks during her many wig changes, and discovers that friendship is more important than a mention in Page Six (tear). Chuck makes his honey believe she’s hot shiznit (which results in a recruitment campaign for some mini Blairs), and Dan figures out that his mystery lady is a movie queen with just as much drama as Serena, but hey, that’s ok. Dan never met a blonde (or a Regina) he could resist anyway.