Ok psychology majors, let’s break it down: Once upon a time there was this awkward music geek who wanted to play the blues, but his high school classmates back in CT didn’t think he was all that (trust us on this one – we actually know a few of them). He didn’t get the head cheerleader or the homecoming queen, but he dreamed of the day when he and his music would be heard…

Flash-forward fifteen years or so, and what we have is guy that’s working out his teen angst by breaking Hollywood hearts, smoking a little too much green, and running his mouth off for attention. Last week we were giving props to John Mayer for his surprise concert for a bunch of South Carolina students; this week, we’re scratching our heads and asking, “WTF, dude?”

The Grammy winner is currently in the middle of a major controversy following some comments he made during a recent interview with Playboy. In it, Mayer drops the “N” word, regales the interviewer with his appreciation for masturbation, calls ex-girlfriend Jessica Simpson “sexual naplam,” and says his penis is racist and only likes white chicks. In an effort to better school you on why everybody’s up in arms, we’ve decided to include some of our “favorite” quotes below:

– “I don’t think I open myself to [dating a black woman]. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.”

– “That girl [Jessica Simpson], for me, is a drug. And drugs aren’t good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me… Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm.”

– “The only man I’ve kissed is Perez Hilton. It was New Year’s Eve and I decided to go out and destroy myself. I was dating Jessica at the time, and I remember seeing Perez Hilton flitting about this club and acting as though he had just invented homosexuality. All of a sudden I thought, I can outgay this guy right now. I grabbed him and gave him the dirtiest, tongue-iest kiss I have ever put on anybody—almost as if I hated fags. I don’t think my mouth was even touching when I was tongue kissing him, that’s how disgusting this kiss was. I’m a little ashamed. I think it lasted about half a minute. I really think it went on too long.”

Mayer quickly backtracked yesterday when bloggers and fans alike began to call him out for being a racist and a douche bag. Like everything else in his life, the singer chose to offer up his apology via his Twitter feed.

“Re: using the ‘N word’ in an interview: I am sorry that I used the word. And it’s such a shame that I did because the point I was trying to make was in the exact opposite spirit of the word itself. It was arrogant of me to think I could intellectualize using it, because I realize that there’s no intellectualizing a word that is so emotionally charged. And while I’m using today for looking at myself under harsh light, I think it’s time to stop trying to be so raw in interviews…It started as an attempt to not let the waves of criticism get to me, but it’s gotten out of hand and I’ve created somewhat of a monster. I wanted to be a blues guitar player. And a singer. And a songwriter. Not a shock jock. I don’t have the stomach for it. Again, because I don’t want anyone to think I’m equivocating: I should have never said the word and I will never say it again.”

(Here’s a thought: How about you don’t say anything PERIOD? The more we hear from you, the less inclined we are to give you that ‘hood pass” you claim to already have.)

You can take the boy out of high school, but you apparently can’t take the high school out of the boy…