Mike Brown and the Older Woman

Usually I try to give lists of do's and do not’s, tips on what's and how's, and rules with can's and cannot's. Instead, I'll just share a brief story about one of my "relationships" with an older woman during my days at New Jersey Institute of Technology.

She and I never "dated." Don't get me wrong – we did spend lots of time together. Our quiet time consisted of hanging out at her place. We'd get comfy on the couch and watch a DVD I borrowed from my roommate at school. We'd joke with each other while scarfing down the most delicious Philly cheesesteak sandwhiches!

Regardless of what we had in common, we loved each other's company. There was never a dull moment because we always had fun. We could always make each others laugh.

One of my fondest memories was those long trips back and forth from her apartment to my campus, laughing, smiling, and holding hands.

Our relationship existed in the perfect gray area that every woman my age tried their best to avoid. No, we didn't have any strings attached, but we never denied our intimate connection. We were happy being "us," even though we never implicitly defined what "us" meant.

A little over a month passed by without seeing each other – she was extremely busy with her career and I was swamped with school work. So to catch up on lost times, I took a trip to her apartment for the weekend.

We shared the same laughs as we did before. We shared the Philly cheesesteaks as we did before. We even shared the same bed as we did before. The only change was the increased intensity of "I miss you" sex. And like we did before, we talked music on the way back to campus.

She told me how much she liked this independent artist, Teedra Moses. She loved her voice and the realism of her lyrics. "You hear this, Mike? This song is us," she said. "I really like you – I truly do, and I know we'd be great together, but uggh –" She began laughing. When she stopped, she sang along with the CD :


[Verse 2]
Here's it is, I'ma make it plain, I'ma lay it on the line
Mostly I feel you're just a waste of my time
But oh, (I want you), I (I got to have you)
Oh, (Really do need you)
Oh, but it's the way that you love me
That keeps me thinking papi, Oh I

Oh, papi, I sit and think about All of the
Things, that we go through and I
Wonder why I stay with you but there's
Something in your backstroke
(And it keeps me in the mood)
Something in your backstroke

And it keeps me in the mood
And it keeps me in the mood
And it keeps me in the mood
And it keeps me in the mood

I can do this forever
But right now I'd rather just
Give in and get your love tonight

We both laughed and continued to hold hands until we arrived back at NJIT. After that night, my older woman and I didn't "date" again. Maybe it was our hectic schedules. Maybe it was the hundreds of miles between us. Or maybe, it was the song that eloquently described our gray area… whatever it was, it was over.

Now I don't want this blog to give the impression that a relationship between a younger man and older woman will end in bittersweet sorrow. It's just to say that in relationships with a younger man and older woman (or any other for that matter), both should what they're getting into and why. In my case, I loved the fun and departure away from life at school. In her case, it was all about that "Backstroke."


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