This was a weekend of magazines. The September issues of Elle, InStyle, and Vogue all hit the newsstands and I gobbled them up like the mindless fashion follower that I am. Actually, I like to classify all the magazines I buy as “market research” since I want a career in publishing.

*Ladies, turn your issues of Vogue to page 737!* It’s a resume. Someone paid to have their resume printed in Vogue as an advertisement. _An advertisement for themselves!_ At first, I was filled with a deep admiration for the recent college graduate, Betty Suarez, the genius who thought of this…quickly followed with horror and rage that I had not thought of this first! The resume was laid out nicely. Aside from the cheesy Eleanor Roosevelt quote at the top. Also, if I was going to pay for my resume to be in Vogue, I would not include my time spent working as a “soft-serve specialist” at an ice cream cone shop. Yes, stating that you “initiated and maintained the soft-serve machine during the double scoop crossover” is putting a professional spin on your duties, but I would just leave it out all together.

I was suspicious. Who was this Betty Suarez? _Would her less-than-stellar job experience get her a position in publishing? I decided that this was the time to be bold. *I would call Betty Suarez, and I would ask her how she had the idea and how much she paid.* I started to dial the number listed on the resume… (718) 555……waitaminute. A 555 number? Look, her references are all 555 numbers too…even her Pen-Pal’s in Norway! Waitaminute…she listed her Pen-Pal in Norway as a reference?

Something was fishy. So I went to her website, “BettySuarez.com.”://abc.go.com/primetime/uglybetty/resume.html And that’s when I realized this whole thing had been an advertisement for Ugly Betty, a new television show on ABC. At first I was filled with disappointment and the embarassment that I had been jealous of a fictitious television character….quickly followed by elation and optimism that I, Stacy Hinojosa, would still be the very first to publish my illustrious resume in the pages of Vogue!!

_*My Life On Mondays* is written by Executive Editor Stacy Hinojosa. She’d call herself a recent college graduate, but it’s been exactly one year since she graduated. She spends all her time doing market research and she’s currently very depressed because she looked it up, and it turns out that buying an ad in Vogue costs around $60,000._

College Couture: Elle Magazine Gives Ridiculous Advice

Elle has a “Fashion Know-It-All” and I beg to differ that she does _not_ know it all and is also pretty out of touch with reality. Last month, when a clinic worker asked for suggestions on a stylish uniform to wear while performing her waxes and laser hair removals, Ms. Know-It-All suggested a fur-trimmed belted trenchcoat. _To wear all day?_

She’s constantly ignoring the reader’s actual questions, to promote her own warped and avant-garde fashion agenda. Let’s be clear, I also have a passion for the luxurious, if not somewhat extravagant, aspects of clothing and accessories, but I live in the real world. *Walmart is the #1 clothier in the U.S. and they do not carry fur-lined trenchcoats* _(heaven help us if they do)._ And some people simply cannot jump on trend with the skinny jean movement. It’s not for them. So when Alexandria from Tallahassee, FL wrote in and told their so-called Know-It-All that she was 5’9 and can’t find jeans that are long enough, this advice colunnist found it appropriate to berate her for being out of fashion. _”Flared jeans? Where have you been the last three years!”_

*I do, however, have to recommend picking up the latest issue of Elle* with Lindsay Lohan on the cover _(or just go to Barnes and Noble and read it for free)._ A couple of months ago, I wrote that I felt sorry for Lindsay…her picture appearing on the cover of every magazine on the newstand, the non-stop hounding from photographers. But lately I find her antics quite annoying. Maybe I’m just getting older, but she seems more like a struggling college student who just can’t get it together. _”Go to class!”, “No, you’re not too cool for the study group.”_

Anyway, Andrew Goldman, who interviews Lohan for the cover story, holds nothing back. He trashtalks La Lohan and her publicist for blowing the interview thrice before it actually took place….he takes everything Lindsay says with as much seriousness as if she were three years old. Maybe he’s being mean. Maybe he’s just the first one to tell the truth. Either way…it’s fabulous.

Actually, I just found it posted online, “click here to read it.”://www.elle.com/coverstory/9103/lindsay-lohan.html