New Reality Show is Not Crowned a Winner

Don’t hate them ‘cause they’re beautiful. Hate them cause they’re bound to make you sick.

 Crowned, the CW’s updated twist on the beauty contest , is the newest show to join the crop of painful-to-watch reality TV. Claiming to be “the mother of all pageants”, Crowned features 11 mother-daughter teams vying for the $100,000 prize, being judged on talent, personality, and, of course–beauty.

21 competitive women, 11 pink bunk beds, 3 harsh judges and 1 fairytale mansion comprise this estrogen-filled disaster. In each episode, the pairs compete against each other in ridiculous challenges that measure physical attractiveness and put the mother-daughter bond to the test. This week’s challenge was for each team to come up with a witty team name and clever opening statement representative of their personalities, all the while leaving a lasting first impression on the hard-to-please “expert” panel of judges.

Audiences will undeniably laugh with judge Carson Kressley’s (Queer Eye for the Straight Guy) witty comments , but you’re more than likely to laugh at the majority of the mother-daughter pairs. Cheesy lines like “our gowns need some crowns” will make you cringe, and the glitzy and often sleazy outfits that most of the women opted for will “make your eyes bleed”, as Kressley so eloquently put it.

Former Miss USA Shanna Moakler and TV personality Cynthia Garrett join Kressley on the judging panel, evaluating the contestants on everything from poise and personality to the strength and uniqueness of the mother-daughter relationship.

The teams are relatively diverse in location, with hometowns ranging from Texas to New York State. Some girls got the pageant walk-and-wave down pat while others are clearly newbies to the pageant world. But one thing is evident among all 11 teams– it is almost impossible to distinguish many of the barely 40, botox-injected moms with their undeniably thin and gorgeous 18-20 something daughters.

And while it is pretty hard to look past the superficiality, petty cat fights and fake hair of the Crowned contestants, the show is guaranteed to strike a cord with your emotional side. One mother is in to win the cash after her husband died and left the family with nothing, while another grabs viewers’ attention with a poignant story about her kidney transplant and two-year recovery.

So, which team will be de-sashed next–the “daredevil divas,” the “diamond dolls” or the “redheaded bombshells”?

The suspense is killing me.

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