Don’t Have a Cow – It’s Only a Moose: Oh those OSU kids thought they had the market cornered on random wildlife sighting on campus…that is until Dartmouth raised the stakes last week and trotted out a real live moose. Mr. Bullwinkle made a guess appearence on Mass Row and apparently sent all the frat boys into a tizzy. Guys, I realize Dartmouth is small and all, but seriously. Unless the dude can play beer pong like whoa and has the answers to this week’s Physics final, I’m not all that impressed. You guys live near the woods — get over it.

Playing Halo the Cub Scout Way: Hey, remember when your little brother had to learn how to tie a bunch of knots and start a fire to score a few dorky awards? Well, the Cub Scouts have just introduced a video game badge and belt loop to boys that put in quality time in front of their Wii or PlayStation. So let me ge this straight: Girl Scouts have to run around pimpin’ cookies while the guys get to sit on their asses? Methinks the Brownies more than deserve a week off and maybe a Jonas Brothers pin for good measure…

Big Brother is Watching…And He Says Get Your Butt to Class: Ahh, remember the good ole’ days when you could just skip lecture hall and one of your friends would just fudge your signature on the attendance sheet? Well, say goodbye to that little perk. Northern Arizona University just became one of the first schools to implement an automated attendance system. The $75,000 technology requires students to carry I.D. their cards with them at all times so the bar code can be read when they enter a classroom. Funny, with tuition hikes going through the roof and financial aid at a premium, you’d think they’d be more worried about get NEW students in rather than wasting a bunch of money monitoring the ones that are already there (and paid in full).

Thief Earns Failing Grade in Social Media 101: You even notice that as technology gets smarter and smarter, people get dumber and dumber? Take for instance the 21-year-old in Chicago that decided to jack an 18-year-old University of Illinois student’s cell phone. Mr. Tall, Dark, and Technical failed to notice that the cell phone was set to immediately load images to the victim’s Facebook page, thus allowing the police to identify him and put out an arrest warrent. Way to go, buddy. Hope you’re still smiling when you’re thrown in jail and some big dude named Elmer decides you’re awfully purdy and would look real good bending down to get a bar of soap…

Death By Drunken Eel: Think fraternity pranks on your campus are bad? A Chinese man died last week when it was discovered his friends put a live eel up his butt when he was drunk and passed out and it later ate through his bowels and killed him. Gross doesn’t begin to express the whole situation, but then again, the what do you expect from a bunch of guys that probably got their Cliff Notes from a Stephen King novel?