Warning: Big Mac May Cause Suffocation: Hot off the recent study that proved junk food was just as addictive as crack cocaine, comes a NEW study that inidcates that fast food may actually make asthma worse for people with breathing problems. Not exactly suprising – if you spend your whole life sucking down McDonald’s and Wendy’s, you’re bound to get a fry stuck in your windpipe at some point…

A Double Life At Harvard: Plagarism is nothing new at the Crimson (Kaavya Viswanathan comes to mind), but 23-year-old Adam Wheeler takes the cake. Wheeler managed to get into the Ivy League school his sophomore year after he forged his SAT scores, grades, and reccomendations from several profs. His career in lying finally caught up with him when he applied to be a Rhodes Scholar and someone on the commitee realized his CV was almost word-for-word identical to a well-known professor’s. Smart kids: so cocky they think they’ll never get caught, but too dumb to realize there are some things you can’t lie your way out of (like the criminal charges he’s not facing and the 45K in grants and loans he now has to pay back).

Lil’ Latex; Big Mistake: Do tween peens really need their own mini-sized condoms? A Swiss company has created condoms for 12-14 year-old boys in the hopes of preventing “accidents” caused by adult condoms slipping off. The only slippage we’re seeing here is actually encouraging a bunch of 7th and 8th graders that safe sex is better than NO sex period.

The Price of HIGHER Education: A 34-year-old man was busted in New Mexico after he was caught with a large amount of weed in his possession. His excuse? With the rising cost of college tuition, he was financing his degree with regular pot sales. OK, this guy earns an A in business, but an F in criminal justice for failing to realize that crime doesn’t pay when you SPILL YOUR GUTS TO THE COPS AS SOON AS YOU GET BUSTED. Dude, really?  What? The ole’ ADHD excuse not work?