Ok, so your usual VP reviewer is out sick today, so I decided to step in to offer my take on this week’s Vampire Diaries. Let it be said that I’ve actually read the books, dislike the fact they changed everything for the TV show, but still watch because Paul Wesley (Stefan) is so hot, I’d pretty much let him bite me anywhere and consider myself a better person for it.

So, this week was Stefan’s birthday (happy 162nd b-day, gramps! You don’t look a day over 143!), and his special lady friend, Lexi (a pal he’s known for a hundred years that just happens to be about 350 years old, give or take a decade) decides to pop into town to help him celebrate. This immediately puts hot scowly face into a better mood. (Cuz hey, who doesn’t want to spend their birthday at a Bon Jovi concert? Um, ok, me.) But Damon’s not feeling her. Evil hottie wants to get in Lexi’s pants, but gets his butt whooped when she not-so-nicely reminds him that she’s not only way older than him, she’s also stronger and can kick his ass without breaking a sweat. This of course immediately made me like her better than Elena, which given the lame TV formula of most CW shows, meant of course she was going to die by the end of the episode.

Speaking of Elena, she’s still mopey. As a matter of fact, it’s like her new part-time job. I mean, here she asked Damon to make her brother forget all about Vicky dying, so he did, and she’s still not happy. Bro’s off the drugs and studying hard and this “concerns” her? Sweetie, your BF is a vampire –it’s time to get your priorites straight. Anyway, she gets all tweaked when she sees Lexi in a towel at Stefan’s, and Lexi gets all tweaked when she realizes Stefan FAILED to mention Elena is spitting image of his bitchy ex.

The only person NOT confused at this point is Damon, who’s so busy playing games with the local authories and Caroline (who he mind zaps into throwing a party at the bar), that he fails to mention the real reason he wants Stefan and Lexi to go out for his bro’s birthday: Diversion and revenge. Oh, and his necklace – he wants that, too. But Bonnie ain’t giving it back no matter how many people it zaps. She and Elena have a nice little girl-talk about her being a witch and a feather floater (to watch the episode is to truly appreciate her talents), which makes E feel bad cuz she’s keeping secrets from her BFF, and her BFF is basically using her pillow as a flotation device.

In the end, Lexi and Elena have a little heart-to-heart about loving vampires and how it’s hard but worth it, Damon kills a random dude and makes it look like it’s Lexi, then the police show up and end up dragging her out of the bar with the intent to stake her on the spot. Unfortunately for Stefan (and Lexi), Damon decides to step in to play ‘hero” when she gets loose and totally kills her on the spot. This of course makes Stefan lose his shiznit, causing him to break up with Elena and then proceeed to drive a stake through his older brother’s stomach as a “warning.”

Blood may be thicker than water, but how does that play when you’re drinking it? Only time will tell.