Slurpie Farm: First came the oh-so-unappetizing news that we’d soon be chasing our microwave burritos with 7-Eleven beer, now the convience store chain has partnered with the ultimate Facebook time waster (A.K.A. FarmVille) to bring us branded ice cream and and drinks. Will this make me want to suck down a Slurpie? No. Will this make me go out of my way to avoid any and all FarmVille related crap just like I do when I’m trying to go through my FB feed? Yes, yes, and YES.

Yanks Spank iPad Fans: Geez, the iPad haterade just keeps growing and growing. First Harvard was up in arms over this pricy tech toy eating up too much bandwidth, now a decree has been issued banning iPads at Yankee Stadium. While no official reason has been given, I bet it has something to do with the fact that oh, why the hell do you need to bring your iPad to a Yankee game in the first place? What? Just couldn’t wait to download an app in between innings or something?

UC Berkley’s Big Brother Master Plan: In what has to be the biggest violation of privacy of all time, UC Berkley is asking incoming frosh to provide DNA samples and is going as far as to include cotton swabs in welcome packs. While this certainly is unsettling on about a gazillion different levels, I’m assuming they thought this was way easier plan than going the typical alien anal probe route…

The Fur Flies at Area Malls: Ok, so I get goth kids, I get wannabe vampire tweens obsessed with Twilight, but werewolves and shopping malls? Ehh, not so much. Apparently a bunch of San Antonio teens have developed “wolf packs” and are dressing all crazy and wearing weird contacts (in between pretending to be active members of Team Jacob). Hey, whatever floats your boat, guys. Just remember, it’s only a movie and you will be embaressed as all hell when you look back at your high school yearbook pics ten years from now and realize what a dork you were.

Ohio Sorority Girls Gone Wild (Part 3): Just when you thought you’d gotten past all the vomiting and poop stories comes yet ANOTHER Ohio sorority (shocker, it’s a another Pi Beta Phi chapter) in hot water for a party that makes Girls Gone Wild look totally played out. In documents obtained by TheSmokingGun.com, the group’s Ohio University chapter is ripped a new one by the director of the West Virgina art center (where the party took place) after “attendees engaged in sex acts, used plates as “missiles” during food fights, vomited on carpets, defecated in urinals, and tried to tear off the clothes of a female bartender.”  Hmm…methinks after all the bad press Pi Beta Phi has gotten nationally this year, it’s only a matter of time before these girls get their own Bad Girls Club spin-off.