What To Do When He's a Virgin

I am totally crushing on a new guy who is super-sweet and smart. But, color me surprised when he told me he was a virgin. Yes, a real virgin, and not the one where guys lie and say they are just to get you in bed. For a college woman, this can mean bye-bye great sex and hello Adam and Eve Online. But with virginity in men becoming more common on college campuses, it seems like guys are really holding out for the right girl.

So, what happens when you’re interested in a virgin guy? Does this mean that your dating strategy has to change?

The answer is a little bit of yes and no. Your dating strategy changes in the sense that you know you won’t be pressured or begged for sex unless the guy has his heart set on making you his first. Also, if you’re a girl who slips up a little on the first date, you should reconsider bearing too much to a guy who’s a virgin. Doing too much too soon could not only scare him away but also lead him to question your motives or lifestyle.

Your dating strategy can also stay the same in some areas because he wants to be treated just like any other guy you date. He doesn’t want to be censored out of sexual conversation or avoid petting, either. Kissing and touching is fine: the guy is a virgin and not dead. He still has desires and needs, but there is just a limit on how far you can go. More than likely, the guy has had sexual encounters already but hasn’t had full-out sex. Find out what he’s done before and use those as boundaries for where you can go.

As a virgin, the guy’s views about sex are probably different from any other cutie you’ve dated on campus. Because of this, understanding his views about sex is super important. Is he saving himself for marriage or just for a committed relationship? Is he afraid of catching a sexually transmitted infection or getting a girl pregnant? Is he religious or did he never meet the right girl? Each of these questions can factor into why your guy has decided to stay a virgin. But, no matter what the reason is you should still be supportive and remember your virgin days. Just the same way you thought a guy was only pursuing you for one thing, a guy can also feel that way. Cater to his needs and let him know that despite his virginity, you’re still interested in him.

Also, make sure that you respect his decision to make it this far. There may be a few nights when you wish he wasn’t a virgin, but if you really care for him you’ll want what makes him happy. When he’s ready to finally have sex, maybe you’ll be the girl he chooses.

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